So, I haven't written since July so I thought I'd chat about a few things.

First, I'm 19 now. woot? and I gotta say, I kinda DO feel older somehow.

I spent two fabulous weeks with Megs. It was so so so SO much fun. She and Val gave me some awesome birthday gifts, particulary a sewing kit which I can't leave alone. eee~ Her birthday was such a fucking blast though. The drag show was awesome, and Jubilee was pretty, and I loved hanging out with her family. We also had a day at the mall where we had time to kill and we walked around and hung out together alone and it was amazing. I always feel really proud and happy when we're holding hands. She bought this amazing, orgasmic perfume. guhhh...

I also loved our endless pillow talk, untill I bored the crap out of her and she fell asleep lol  We watched endless amounts of QaF (Queer as Folk) , and now I'm totally addicted and dont have Logo >: |  and, judging by how much I dream about Emmet and Michael, they're my favorites I suppose. <3

*will work for QaF*

I haven't slept, but since I've dicked up my sleeping schedule for days, I figure I need to tough it out and stay awake as long as possible so I can actually sleep at night again. So I'm all spazzy and forgetting a bunch of stuff.

Hannah's coming to visit (YAY!) <3

But, best of all, last night I went to check the mail and I needed the little walk cus my period cramps were killing me, I got a very pleasant surprise. It was a thank you card from Megs that made me cry. I can tell whenever she writes me a letter or shoots me a quick email, she always means what she says. It made me so happy. I'm still reeling about it <3

*siiiigh* <3

I swallowed my fear and sent in my application for community college. I had a mini panic attack but, I think it's going to go okay. I dont feel so completely over my head. I've realized lately I fear change so very badly..but at this point in my life, it's a necessity, I cannot sit at home and wait for life to come to me, I have to go out into it, and I must start somewhere. So, here we go..

Also: Unita Lay is a sexy bitch XD

like..Woah. O__O

Name:
Carley

Location:
San Diego, California

Gender:
Female. Yay boobies!

Sexual Orientation/Preference/Identity, Whatever?:
Bisexual.

Are you butch, femme, andro...something else?: 
I think I'm pretty femme

What do you prefer...butch, femme, andro...etc?:
I like femme girls a lot, but some butch girls do it for me too.

Are you in a relationship?: Would you describe your relationship as...committed, open, casual, purely sexual?:
Yes and we're committed <3

If committed, how long have you and your partner been together?:
about 2 years

Describe yourself (briefly) inside and out (personality and looks):
I'm loud, scatterbrained, open-minded. My inner child comes out to play quite often. I'm on the short and chubby side, I have a crazy obsession with earrings, and they will usually match my outfit, I love dressing up. Well..I wear jeans and a t-shirt but I make it my own.

Describe your partner (briefly) inside and out (personality and looks):
She's shy, yet extremely witty, kind and willing to do anything for living things, she's the strongest person I know. she's short too, though taller then me, wears glasses and has her own style, that I would say is dark and beautiful. she has a fascination for chokers, and they look great on her.

When did you come to a realization about your sexuality?:
When I realized I thought about a fellow, girl friend a bit too often and it just kind of..hit me one day.

Have you ever had a physical/sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex? Explain:
actually..not really.

How old were you when you lost your virginity?:
17 I believe.

How old were you when you had your first experience with someone of the same sex?:
well, my first experience with the same sex at all really is with Megs, so yeah, 17.

----------------------

Okay...here come the "gutter" questions:

What kind of kissing do you like?:
depends on the mood, I usually like passionate kissing.

Where are your favorite erogenous zones on yourself?:
my back, my shoulders, my ankles and wrists.

Your favorite erogenous zones on your partner?:
I love kissing and licking her neck, her skin is omg..so soft, and her thighs drive me insane.

What turns you on the most?: 
kissing and dirty talk, stroking, fondling..

What turns you off?:
I'm not sure really.

What are your favorite sex acts to have done to you?:
I love to be eaten out, espeically tongue fucking, and getting my neck kissed and sucked on.

What are your favorite sex acts to perform on your partner?:
I love to eat pussy. I love the smell, I love the taste and I love the challenge of getting her off, it makes me feel good when I do. I love to suck on her clit. It tastes and smells amazing. I get so turned on from doing it. and her faces and noises..god.

Do you use toys? What kind?: 
she's used a hairbrush handle on me a few times, but we're getting a dildo, yay :D

Ever used a strapon?:
No but I'd like to very much.

Ever used a double-headed dildo?:
we agreed those are better in theory XDD

What about the infamous "feeldoe?":
it looks uncomfortable

Ever used a glass dildo?:
we're getting one sooon..

Do you like vibrators?:
I've never tried one, so I have no idea.

Have you ever used a household object as a sex toy? If so, what kind?:
Hairbrush. Nuff said.

Can you have an orgasm with a partner?:
oh yeah, I squirt like..a lot. She's amazing in bed.

Do you prefer clitoral or vaginal stimulation?:
vaginal stimulation, because, really, I dont have a clit XD I need vaginal stimualtion.

Do you know where your g-spot is?:
I THINK so..

Can you find the g-spot of your partner?:
Yes, and I know when I do *grin*

Do you enjoy anal play?:
we tried it, not for me thanks.

Do you enjoy fingering?:
Yes, I love doing it so much.

Being fingered?:
god..shes AMAZING at it.

Fisting?:
we havent tried that yet, but I would.

Being fisted?:
Possibly, we havent tried that either.

Have you ever tried bondage?:
no, but I would love to!

Would you like to try bondage?:
Yes, gimmie some rope.

What are your sexual fantasies?:
sex in high heels and thigh-high's, for both of us. I kinda really want her to press the heel of her boot on me.

What is the kinkiest thing you've ever done?:
hmmm..the time we bought that chocolate..oooh baby..

Are you into pain when it comes to lovemaking?:
somewhat, but if she even says a little "ow.." during sex, I freak out. I dont wanna hurt her =/

If you have tried bondage or wish to, would you prefer being the "top" or "bottom?" Or are you versatile?: 
the top for sure

Have you ever had sex with multiple partners at the same time?:
No.

Have you ever had sex in public?:
No, and I get the feeling that would be kinda hard for me.

Do you masturbate?:
well, yeah XDD

Would you or have you masturbated in front of your partner?:
oh totally.

Are you capable of multiple orgasms?:
I think so O_o

Do you experience female ejaculation?:
Yep, loads of it. I'm a fuckin fountain XD

Do you have a particular celebrity that you would like to sleep with?:
Ray Toro and Gale Harold <3

How often do you have sex?:
god..not often enough, we live far away from each other =/

How often would you prefer to have sex?:
everyday plz lol

What's your favorite style (gentle and loving or hot and heavy, etc.) of sex or lovemaking?: 
depends on the mood..thats the best part, the surprise :D

What's your favorite sexual position?:
I love being on top ;)

Describe your best sexual experience?:
They're all the best..cus I have a wonderful woman who I love very much..cheesy but true

Describe your worst sexual experience?: 
the time we realized my period wasnt quite over was kind of embarassing...and the time that shes still mad at me for >___< 

Favorite place to have sex?:
we usually just do it in her room

Weirdest place you've had sex?:
I dunno if we've done it in a weird place yet..I'm sure we will someday.

Anything else?:
I love you Megs :*

 What time did you start this?: 8:39pm
1. Give a name for this survey: "Carley's cranky and bored as fuck"
2. Name?: Carley (Carley Mouse, The Guru of Disneyland, whatever insult Hannah came up with that day XD)
3. Date of birth?: August 22, 1989
4. Sex?: Female. I have boobies.
5. Height?: fuckin short
6. Eye color?: dark brown
7. Hair color?: dark brown
8. Location?: San Diego
9. Where were you born?: Sharpe Hospital
10. Are you a virgin?: pfft..no XD <333
11. Do you have a crush on someone?: Nope
12. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yes. <3
13. How long have you been together?: about 2 years
14. What are you wearing right now?: my oversized Disney nightshirt and pink striped Mickey Mouse pj's
15. Would you have sex before marriage?: too late XD
16. Have you ever had a crush on one of your teachers?: not since Junior High, high school brought out the fug

17. Do you smoke?: it's not for me
18. Do you drink?: rarely ever
19. Are you ghetto?: XD dont think so
20. Are you a player?: no XD
21. What are your favorite colors?: black, red, pink, blue
22. What is your favourite animal?: kitties, and penguins
23. Do you have any birthmarks?: I think so
24: Have you ever gotten beaten up?: no, but I've almost gotten beat up a few times
25. Who is your best friend?: my two best friends in the world are Megs and Hannah
26. Have you ever beaten someone up?: nope
27. Have you ever been slapped?: Yes. not fun.
28. Do you go online a lot?: pfft. I live here.
29. Are you shy or outgoing?: more outgoing
30. Do you shower?: yes
31. Do you hate school?: ugh yes, it fucking sucked. glad thats over
32. Do you have a social life?: not really =/
33. How easily do you trust people?: not very easily at all.
34. Have you ever lied to one of your best friends?: yes, but not anything big, and I really dont lie to my friends.
35. Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: Sure.
36. Would you ever sky dive?: no thanks >___<
37. Do you like to dance?: yes XD even though I cant really
38. Have you ever been out of state?: Yep.
39. Do you like to travel: well..as much as the greyhound sucks, yes I do!
40. Have you ever been suspended from school?: nope, not once
41. Do you want to get out of your hometown?: yes. >_O
42. Are you spoiled?: I can be.
43. Are you a brat?: sometimes
44. Have you ever been dumped?: Yeah =/
45. What's your favorite drink?: Tea, love ittt <3

47. Do you drink a lot of water?: yes, I love water.
48. What toothpaste do you use?: I THINK, Crest, maybe Colgate
49. Cellphone or pager?: I dont have either at the moment.
50. Do you have a curfew?: ya know..I'm not really sure anymore. It was 12:30.

51. Who do you look up to?: Megs for her strong will, kindness, and uncondtional love towards her family and all living things. Walt Disney for his unlimited imagantion and his determination.
52. Are you a role model?: I dont think so.
53. What name brand do you wear the most?: Disney I suppose, I've got more Disney shirts than plain shirts now.
54. What kind of jewelry do you wear?: I have a mini-obsession with earrings. I even make them myself!

55. What do you have pierced?: My earlobes.
56. What do you want pierced?: my eyebrow, my cartiledge, maybe my belly button.
57. Do you like getting your picture taken?: yeah, I love to ham it up.

58. Do you have a tan?: I'm kinda dark
59. Do you get annoyed easily?: I can.

60. Have you ever started a rumour?: No.
61. Do you have your own phone/phone line?: I had a cell phone
62. Do you have your own pool?: I wish
63. Do you have any siblings?: my older sister. meh.
64. Do you prefer boxers or underwear?: panties plz
65. Have you ever been played?: who hasnt?
66. Have you ever played someone?: not sure
67. Do you get along with your parents?: No.
68. How do you vent your anger?: cry, scream, listen to music, talk it out

69. Have you ever run away?: no but I've been very tempted this year.
70. Have you ever been fired from a job?: Ugh, dont remind me.
71. Do you even have a job?: I wish.
72. Do you daydream a lot?: Constantly.
73. Do you have a lot of exes?: not really
74. Do you talk constantly?: yes XD loudly
75. What do you want a tattoo of?: Minnie Mouse, and a Disneyland one I need to figure out.
76. What do you have a tattoo of?: Mickey Mouse on my right hip with "Walt" on the foot.
77. What are your favorite flowers?: roses, lillys
78. What does your ex look like?: I dont wanna talk about it.

79. What does your most recent crush look like?: no crush.
80. When was the last time you bitched someone out?: I dont remember but it was probably cus I'm pms-ing.

81. Are you rude?: I hope not. I try not to be.
82. What was the last compliment you received?: I dont remember.

83. Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: Innie.
84. What is your heritage?: Sweedish, and thats all I know of.
85. What does your hair look like right now?: a hot mess XD

86. Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I'd certinaly give it a shot, because I do like vegetarian dishes.
87. When was your last heartbreak?: long ago, I'm happy in love
88. Describe your looks.: I've got shoulder length wavy brown hair that I straighten, I'm short, curvy, and a total jeans and t-shirt girl.
89. If you had to completely dye your hair, what colour would it be?: black.

90. Would you ever date someone younger than you?: nah. I'm not sure.
91. Would you ever date someone older than you?: yes
92. When was the last time you were drunk?: the day before new years eve, my first hangover, wee~
93. When was the last time you went out on a date?: I'm gonna say it's when Megs and I went to the movies 

94. Have you ever had an eating disorder?: kind of
95. Do you have one now?: dont think so
96. How many rings until you answer the phone?: I have to look at the caller ID.
97. Do you look more like your mother or your father?: my dad.
98. Do you cry a lot?: I'm surprised theres not a moat around my house of my tears yet.
99. Do you ever cry to get your way?: no
100. If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: I like all my limbs, thanks.

101. What phrase do you use most on the phone?: "what?"
102. Are you the romantic type?: yes <3
103. Have you ever been caught by the cops?: not personally.
104. What do you like most about your body?: my boobs I guess XD
105. And least?: my teeth.
106. When was the last time you threw up?: when I drank a one liter of Hawain punch, oh man..
107. In the opposite sex, do you prefer blonde or brunettes?: brunettes in both sexes <3
108. What do the shoes you wore last look like?: my black mary janes.

109. Do you ever wear shirts that show your belly?: no way
110. What about cleavage?: sometimes..a lot XD
111. Is your best friend a virgin?: XD no
112. Have you ever messed someone up?: well..only when I kept blabbing when Hannah was trying to count money and I made her lose count XDDD

113. Have you ever been messed up?: I kind of am.
114. What color are your toenails now?: regular? lol
115. What theme does your room have?: Disney. XD I love it.

116. What size shoe do you wear?: 8 or 8 1/2
117. What jewelry are you wearing now?: none
118. What is your screen name?: Toros Cupcake
119. Would you pick a wedgie in public?: yeah XD I dont care
121. When was the last time you were at a party?: man..I dont remember
122. Have you ever given a lap dance?: no
123. What do you sleep in?: shirt and panties or pj pants
124. Has there ever been a rumour spread about you?: XD not sure
125. What is one of your good qualities?: my open mind
126. Bad qualities?: my stubborness
127. Would you marry for money?: hell no
128. What do you drive?: I dont know how yet D:
129. Have you ever hooked up with someone?: no
130. Are you more of a mama's or a daddy's child?: daddy's child.

131. When was the last time you cried?: earlier =/
132. Do you wear Chucks?: yep, we've been together since 8th grade.
133. For two million bucks, would you pose for Playboy?: ..maybe XD
--- What time are you finishing this?: 9:13pm

Another time when I feel like writing a nice long journal entry and I just delete the paragraph I have and decide against it..why is that? =/

So, my father and I are finally working to put the floor in, but he's decided to do..nothing today. My computer isn't hooked up or the tv. I cant even get AIM express to work on this hunk of junk. I miss my girlfriend and my best friend >__<

 (1) List 10 celebrities you would have sex with without even asking questions.
(2) Put all of them IN ORDER of your lust for them. (10 - 1, 1 is the hottest.)
(3) Say which movie/show/thing it was that hooked you.
(4) Supply photos for said people.
(5) Tag five people! Anyone who wants to play certainly can.

Okay, putting my terrible taste on display here, weeee~

 I just spelled my girlfriends name with alphabet soup. 

*siigh* I am so in love <3333

You Are the Very Gay Velma!

She might not even realize it... But Velma is all about Daphne... not Fred!

 So, recently I've taken up jewelry making as a hobbie. I'm mostly making earrings. I'm amazed that you can make jewlery out of almost anything. so I've come to show you just a few things I've made so far. Feedback is wanted and appreciated :)

 You know how sometimes people on your friend's list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes. Please copy my response below, erase my answers, putting yours in their place, then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-word answers seldom help anyone out. :) Note: this is very long! but it does pretty much tell you everything you might possibly want to know. And if you want to ask anything you STILL want to know afterwards, go for it.

1. First Name: Carley. my sister actually named me but nobody even remembers how she came up with it, and for some reason, my mom thought it should have an E instead of being spelled like Carly, which I get ALL the time. I really like my name and I always have, it's unique, I havent met very many people in my life with it. But, on downside, I can never find anything in a theme park with my name on it. =/

2. Age: 18. The age when high school is over, and life begins, and you're still teeter-tottering on teenager and adult. I'm at the age where I'm trying to figure out who I am, where I wanna be, what I wanna do. I've never found life so confusing and scary, and yet, it's so much fun all the same. Plus, I like that I can now legally do pretty much whatever I want.

3. Location: San Diego, California. I can't lie, I really love it here, I think it's a city filled with a lot of cool stuff and history, theres always something to do, it will always be my home and it will hold something special in my heart. I love Southern California in general.

4. Occupation: Unemployed. I've hit a wall where I was laid off from my job and have had zero sucess finding another one. It's really hard because I don't have much experience with anything. I havent even had a years total of work experience and no one wants to hire a newbie. But, I know I'll find something soon. I hope.

5. Partner: Megs. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. She's without a doubt the most important person in my life. She's kind, smart, funny, beautiful, and sweet. She's always there when I need her, never lets me down. She's shown me more kindness, and respect that anybody in my whole life ever has and I'm eternally grateful to her. She's given me the love that I've always dreamed of. We're perfect together, and I truly love her more than life itself.

6. Kids: I'm at the point in my life where I dont even know if I want kids. Megs tells me all the time that I'm only 18 and I'm not supposed to be thinking about kids and that I might want kids someday, and it's true, I might. But for now...no thanks.

7.Baby names: I havent given much thought to it. I have always liked the name Adam though. I like unique names a lot, like Sky, or names made up of other names.

8. Brothers/Sisters: I have an older sister Stephanie. She's..nothing like me. She's kind of a bitch sometimes but I know her heart is in the right place. We never really got close untill we got older for some reason. She's a great older sister though. Does things for me, shes always there to go to Disneyland with me, shes a great gift giver, and she makes me laugh. I'm glad I'll always have her.

9. Pets: Louie. Louie is the best cat I ever had, no other cat has loved me as much he does. I've never felt a closer connection with an animal, plus he has such a wonderful little personality. :)

10. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:  I guess overall I'm just trying my best to find a job, and figure out where  stand in life, and who and what I'm going to be. I dont know how long it will take but I'm taking life one step at a time and trying my best to see that I dont have to be depressed..that things ARE going to be okay.

11. Where and for what did you go to school? I did the basics elementry, junior high, and high school. I went to school because I had to, it SUCKED lol but in high school, I went to a school that was called The School of Business, it didnt have much to do with business considering I didnt take any of the electives that had to do with it, but we had a small staff that was pretty close and really cared about the students and it made it a really good experience overall.

12. Parents: my parents..are quite the odd couple. My father is a guy who works too hard and does every single thing he can to care for and provide for his family, and I love him for it. My mother..ugh. we do NOT get along. She's selfish, and just a huge bitch.

13. Who are some of your closest friends? Megs and Hannah are the two best friends I could ever ask for. They remind me so much of each other and yet they're both so unqiue and wonderful. I dont know where I'd be without them. I love them both.

So Yeah..

She stood me up.

Yesterday, Steph texted me and got me excited about going to hang out with her, told me to be ready by 1:00. I was showered and dressed by 12:45-ish.

So I waited and waited, 1:33, I get a text:

"Im gonna go tanning and hang out with Jess, I might not be by today, sorry chica."

Yeah.

I dont know why I even bother anymore to believe anything she says, she always does this shit to me and I'm so tired of it. This was like..my last chance to go out before we have to return the rental car this weekend and I'm stranded.

*sigh* This blows..

Now I'm sitting here contemplating wether I should go for a walk or something, but I dont think I really even feel like it.

Oh well..

I got a call from Hannah at 4:30 in the morning from Disneyland and she sounded like she had fun, so I'm glad ^___^

I'm wearing my red shirt today..it smells like Megs..it's amazing and it's defintely keeping a smile on my face. *siigh* I have the best girlfriend in the world. <3

I'm keeping my chin up.

Name: Carley
Sex: Yes Please
Birth date: August 22, 1989
Location: pfft. NOT Disneyland =/
Height: short.
Eye color: brown
Hair color: brown
What does your name mean: I read somewhere it means little woman. go figure. >_o
High school graduation year: 2007
Favorite relatives: I'm gonna go with my dad, he doesnt give me any shit and he makes me laugh lol
Summer memory: hmmm...one thing that sticks out is a Pirate at Disneyland singing Happy Birthday to me XD
Favorite TV shows: Scrubs <3
What's on your mousepad: it's a Disneyland mousepad with like..every Disney character ever.
In the car- ac or windows: AC
Do you believe in yourself: sometimes
Favorite game: Life. even though Megs pwned me at it >_<
Favorite drink: tea.
Favorite food: mexican
Favorite colors: red, purple, black
Favorite cigarettes: Dont smoke.
Favorite sounds: music.
Favorite smell: Megs' perfume..omg..it's orgasmic.
Worst feeling in the world: ..blah..too many
Best feeling in the World: love <3
Favorite thing to do on a weekend: sleep lol maybe go to the mall
Favorite soundtrack: The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: I dont. I cant even imagine where I'll be or what I'll be doing. Hopefully alive and happy.
First thought in the morning: gotta PEE!
Do you get motion sickness: no.
Rollercoasters- deadly or exciting: I'm not particulary a fan of the six flags type. Disney ones are okay.
How many rings before you answer the phone: I look at the caller ID first then decide lol
Future son names: dunno
Future daughter names: dunno
Are you a good friend: yes :)
Chocolate or Vanilla cake: omgz..both? <3
What do you drive: I dont. Wah :(
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: I have a Mickey pillow lol
Thunderstorms cool or scary: both-ish-sort of
If you could meet one person in the World, who would it be: Wow..there are a lot of people I'd like to meet. I cant pick >_<
What is your zodiac sign: Leo
What do you wear to bed: pj pants and a shirt
Do you eat stems of broccoli: yes!
Guys- If a girl ever asked you for the shirt on your back, would you
give it to her? I'm not a guy, but if it was Megs, I still would.
Girls- Would you ever ask a guy for his shirt? not sure.
If you could have any occupation when you get older, what would it
be: photographer.
If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be: black I think
If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: I already have one, but I want  Minnie Mouse on my other hip.
Favorite brand of gum: Juicy Fruit and Orbit.
What is your favorite quote: *any quote by Walt Disney*
Have you ever been in love: I am <333
What's on your walls in your room: random Disney stuff..the coolest thing is my huge map of Disneyland though :D
Is the glass half-empty or half-full: half-full
Pick a song that describes yourself or that you can relate to: I cannot think of one >_<
Which do you prefer- Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos: I like them both!
Favorite flavor Snapple: I dont know..I dont like Snapple much.
Which one, Coke or Pepsi: both, more pepsi
Which kind of milk is your favorite: chocolate!
If you were to kill someone, which method would you use? I wouldnt kill anyone
Are you a righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: righty
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: no, and I'm super fast and usually accurate anyway lol
When you meet a person of the opposite sex, you notice their: eyes
If you could be one gardening tool, which one would it be: a shovel
What kind of shoe would you be if you had an option: a converse high top
What's under your bed: there is no under to my bed
What's the best number in the World: ummm...5?
What is your dream car: a corolla
Who is your biggest crush right now: dont have one
Nickname: Carlita, pet names from my Megs, and The Guru of Disneyland
School: no school :D
Bacon Bits Or croutons: ooh both
Favorite Salad Dressing: ranch.
Do you Drink: occasionally
What type of Shampoo/Conditioner: Sunsilk
Have you ever been skinny dipping: yes, hot tubs burn vaginas by the way >_<
Do you make fun of people: sometimes lol
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: nope
Best friends online/offline: I really only talk to Megs and Hannah online and offline so yeah lol
One pillow or two: two, I cant sleep with just one.
Pets: Louie kitty!
Favorite Movies: Harold and Maude and Beauty and the Beast
Favorite type of music: rock and Disney
Hobbies: photography, reading, day dreaming
Word or Phrase you overuse: "lol" I do it way too much
Toothpaste: Crest..I think
Piercing or tattoos: I have my ears pierced and a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my hip.
Do you get along with your parents: not really.
Favorite beer: Ew.
Favorite song at the moment: dont have one =/
Favorite subject in school: it was English and History/Goverment (taught by the same guy)
Least favorite subject in school: Math. Guh, I'm TERRIBLE at math. >_<
Most humiliating moment: that time I farted in 5h grade..oh my god..
Craziest or Silliest Person You Know: Hannah and Megs always make me laugh
Favorite Holiday: Halloween and Christmas <3
Say one nice thing about the person who sent this to you and be sure to
send it back to them:  no one sent it to me.

So, I guess I took a sort of un-planned hiatus from LJ, but, I'm back. I de-friended all the MCR and Disney groups, and decided LJ should be a purely friend affair for me. I think at this point in my life, a journal is exactly what I need. 

I've had a pretty good couple of days, I hung out with my sister on Friday. We somehow got on the subject of piercings, and I mentioned Megs used to be a body piercer and that shes pretty much pierced everything for people and this is what followed:

Steph: So where do they pierce if you wanna get pierced down there?

Me: Your clit.

Steph:....wheres that?

Me: >_> *snerk*

I had a nice long laugh about it inside. I love my sister, but sometimes, she's an airhead.

On Saturday Mike and Hannah picked me up, and it was so good to see them, I missed them! We had a very long group hug in my driveway, while my neighbor looked on, confused.

We then got carne, me and Hannah's meal of choice while Mike drove, his face scrunched up that it smells, tastes and looks like shit. We walked around balboa park some, talking and catching up, and there was some point where I walked by some lady and she started cussing and screaming something along the lines of "FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING CUMDUMPSTER!" 

O_o Yeah.

Then we got slurpees, and I've realized, I can't ever go get a slurpee without it being extra runny and not..slurpee like. 

After that, it was off to Mike's where we played Rock Band, which I still suck at. >_<

So, after that, Mike took us to Hannah's place where me and Hannah watched Worlds Best Dance Crew or whatever it's called and it was cool, the things people can do amazes me. I ended up spending the night and the next morning we had taquitos for breakfast, the breakfast of champions. :D 

We basically lounged around in PJ's all day, and messed around on the computer, where we found a very funny old picture of Hannah XD

I've also vowed to learn facebook and soon Hannah will hopefully get myspace again. Yay!

I'm taking active steps to better my life and hopefully this journal will help in that process. This entry wasnt as long as I would have liked, but, it's a start. 

<3

I'm seeing Megs on Friday (early ass Saturday morning, really)

*Siiiiiiiiiiiigh*

my heart is floating ^____^

<333333 

 my life has been nothing short of a roller coaster these past few months. I shed my high school demeanor and entered into "adult" life. The first month, September was a hard one, full of job searching and soul searching. Which is still going on, as I'm still unsure of what it is exactly that I'm looking for.  But, I can only assume I'll know when I find it. 

October brought my first job. Party City. one of my favorite stores, and now, I never want to go back. I was only temporary Halloween help, I was given an ugly orange vest, a pad of paper and a pen. I helped people find Halloween costumes. It was SO boring. I stood mostly by myself staring at the same damn well of pictures. I made shit, of course, 200 or so bucks a week seemed like a lot at the time. I quickly grew tired of the job. I was always so tired, aching from standing all day and stocking shelves at night, and then getting up to do it all over again. It served it's purpose as an okay first job but I will probably never work retail again. ever.

November honestly is kind of a blank. I guess nothing happened except a lot of awesome late nights with Megs and trying desperately to find a job, and hanging on to the last of my paychecks, and blowing it on awesome days with Hannah XD

December I went to Las Vegas to spend Christmas and New Years with Megs. It was really an awesome time. Spending Christmas with her family was one of the best times I've had in a while. the night before, Val and I sat watching the Grinch while Megs wrapped presents. She was really pissed off she had to wrap the presents, but everything she was saying and doing was so funny.she sang a parody song about the Grinch having a 750,000 foot dick (diiiiiick).

Before that day though, I did something I thought I might never do. as a christmas present from Megs and Val, they bought me a tattoo. I was nervous, but not nervous enough to back out or anything. I decided to get Mickey Mouse on my hip with "Walt" written on the hip. Megs' tattoo took way longer than mine, because it was bigger, she got an awesome Raven perched on a tree with a full moon in the background with the first few lines of "The Raven" by Edgar Alan Poe. 

When I was taken back to get the tattoo, my heart raced by the artist seemed very nice and I was given the privacy screen so my ass wouldn't hang out. but where Megs was laying, there was a huge mirror where she could see me anyway. He started tattooing me and the feeling wasnt as bad as I thought, it was like an annoying scratch, I sat trying to think of other stuff and an hour or so before, I remembered Megs had said, and I quote, "well, you're only getting needles dragged across your fuckin skin"

I felt the blood drain from my face and I quickly asked for a glass of water. He had only been tattooting a few minutes.  I felt Megs' eyes roll. but after some water and M&M's, I was okay. The rest of the tattooing went fine, I flapped my gums to the guy which was probably super annoying to him and everyone else. But, the end result was my adorable Mickey tattoo, I'm still incredibly in love with and I will definiately be getting more. My stay in Vegas with Megs was wonderful as usual :) 

When I got home, there was a job offer for me from my neighbor to be a receptionist at a construction company. I was really shocked she referred me but really thankful. I could type and answer phones, sure. and finally, an income! So here I am today, having been there almost 2 months now. I really like it, and a full time job really isnt as horrible as I would have thought, and with weekends off, I cant complain. At first I thought I might not be cut out for the job but I'm starting to hold my own and I've almost got the hang of it I think. 

I also finally got my learners permit, and had only one driving experience so far, which I was terrified during but I did okay.

I'm going to Vegas in 2 weeks to visit Megs and go to the My Chemical Romance concert with her, we've been dying to do together for years, I couldn't be more excited. plus after all the drams lately, I need a little time away with my girlfriend to recharge and get some lovin in <3

I really owe getting through everything to her and Hannah. It's like..I never have to be afraid of being alone because they're always there. I'm so thankful. But, I gotta admit, I'm depressed that Hannah has to leave me to go to college. I'm happy for her of course and I want her to do well. But, my beezie is leaving me :(. I dont really have friends to hang out with besides her, and I'm kinda a hermit really. But, we'll keep in touch, and I'll send her farts by mail somehow. We've both declared we must have an epic summer together.

I cant wait to be with Megs again. I count down the days untill I get to snuggle up to her, where I'm safe and worry free. She makes it all better, somehow. 

So all in all, I suppose things havent been so bad, because I always have someone to lean on, and just being with her makes it all worth it. 

<3

she sent me back my shirt...it smells like her. It's fucking amazing...

I'm never wearing or washing it again...

It smells like hope..and comfort and safeness...

God..I love her.

It seems I'm the type of person thats afraid of things that have never happened to me personally but I fear them anyway. and Today I've come upon a realization, I'm afraid of people in general. When I'm in a situtation alone with people I dont know, I panic. I dont know people, I dont know their convictions and I dont know what they're thinking. what am I afraid of? everything.. I fear, pain, truth, lies, everything..

Sometimes I want nothing more to be left alone, here in my room by myself, another minute, I want floods of people around me, or just one. 

my thoughts are starting to not make any sense to me anymore. I dont know if I'm talking to myself or someone else a lot of the time, and I cant get over the feeling of constantly being watched. I hate it. 

I want to live with her, I wanna lay there with her, pressed against her, where I know, nothing or no one will hurt me, or bother me. where I'll be safe. She's pretty much the only person in the world that I feel completely safe with.  I could walk into the gates of hell and be okay if she held my hand.  I'm afraid of the world but when I'm with her, it doesnt feel so scary. 

Sometimes I wish I could just stay in the security of her arms forever. I trust her more than anyone in the world, and I know no matter what, she'd never let me fall. Even when I feel like I've been falling for ages..she catches me. 

She makes me feel like I can do anything.  being with her is the greatest feeling in the world. I hope to live with her soon and have that every day of my life.

I want so much to make her happy..even though she tells me I cant make her happy, that she has to make herself happy.

I love the moments when I can make her smile, when I can make her laugh. It's the greatest satisfaction. Sometimes I wish I could give up all of my hopes and dreams and wishes, so she could be truly happy even for a moment. I wish that so much...more than anything.

I have a lot to learn about people. and the world...

God...I love her...

I figure I should write about what's been going on with me lately since I havent written in a bit, hopefully it will make me feel better...

Well, I got back from Vegas a while ago and I had a really great time, it was so good to see Megs again, such a relief. However, there was a night we had a fight and I freaked out, BAD. I just remember what started out as quiet tears turned into me becoming dizzy and sobbing, then it was hard to breathe, so there was a point where I sobbed, sobbed really hard and couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die. Megs had to hold me and give me water and help me breathe. I was so fucking scared, I had never had that bad of a freak out before. 

So needless to say I've been a little...off, since then. I had to read and listen to music the whole bus ride just to keep my mind off of being sad, and then at the one moment, being almost home, I was just staring out the window, and I started hearing voices. voices where I couldnt make out what was being said. a voice said my name, and someone even screamed. not to mention I started hearing My Chem songs starting over and over, but the bus was completely silent. It scared the fuck out of me but it hasnt happened since, I have no idea what it was about.

Sometimes I start freaking out a little for no reason, or over something small. I'm also restless, I cant get a good nights sleep. I'm also extremely paranoid, I cant help but check behind my back all the time, I feel like somebody's watching me sometimes. I dont know what to do. am I going crazy?? am I finally gonna snap?

on a good note:

I'm turning in some job applications tomorrow in hopes to get a job. I'm really nervous but I hope it's going to go okay. I think it will, Hannah will be with me. I'm so glad I finally get to see her, it's been so long, plus I really need to be out and with my friends right now. 

Also, my birthday is coming up, which promises my yearly trip to Disneyland. Thank God. I'm so excited, I miss it so much and it seems like if I listen to some Disney and Disneyland music I feel better. so, after a visit, I'll feel MUCH better.

I spent about 95% of my life day dreaming...I have this day dream that I like to have...where I'm standing at the train satation, at the beginning of main street in Disneyland, the sides of the walk ways down main street are lined with all the Disney characters, not just people in costume, but ya know..really them..and everything is in slow motion, and Disneyland is empty, and mine. I race down Main Street and into the main part of Disneyland, and there are no waits for the rides and it's so magical, and I feel so free. 

Is there something wrong with me? that sounds like the day dream of a five year old..

anyway, tomorrow I go on the hunt for jobs in hopes to make monies, and writing this does actually make me feel better. :)

Megs? I love you